Why I think the church should show special treatment to pastors' kids

If you ask anyone who grew up as a pastor's kid, or "PK" as they used to be called, they'll probably tell you it wasn't always easy. Kids of pastors have unique experiences growing up in church that other kids don't experience, because they deal with unrealistic expectations, extreme scrutiny (the fishbowl), exposure to negative aspects of church life and church politics, and their parents can be pulled away from the family for the needs of the church. They may even see their parents serving and caring for other families instead of their own. They're often at church longer than anyone else, and expected to be at all the church functions or get dragged into helping with something they're not interested in. If we're not intentional, there's a chance they'll grow up to resent the church or even walk away from their faith. 

When I was a pastor and my son spent sometimes 12-13 hours at church on Sunday as an infant and toddler, it meant a lot to me as a mother to know he was being loved and cared for by other amazing ministry leaders. I prayed he would grow up loving the church and feeling loved BY the church.

​Some people think we shouldn't show favoritism or special treatment to pastors' kids, and while I do think we need to be careful to not show favoritism or special treatment in front of other kids, I do think there are several ways we can show extra love and care in children's ministry for kids who often get the short end of the stick from the church where their parents work. 

1. Don't Put Expectations on Them
Don't expect them to be perfect, know all the answers, follow every rule, or have the strongest faith. Don't expect them to volunteer for every role or leadership opportunity or step into positions they aren't comfortable with. Also, don't expect them to be rebellious or troublemakers. Remember they're normal kids, who need love and grace. Don't allow labels to be put on them, such as "PK."

2. Care for Them Well and Make Church Fun
When I was serving in a megachurch with multiple services all day long on Sunday, and had to have my infant son with me the whole day, I was thankful for nursery leaders who kept my son in between services (when I was busiest), even though the children's ministry didn't allow parents to leave their babies in the nursery between services. They went above and beyond to help our family and love him and make sure he was well cared for, so I could focus on leading my part of the ministry. I knew we were on the same team, and they never made me feel like it was inconvenient if my son had to tag along with the nursery leader while I dealt with a situation in my ministry area after the service. They showed incredible grace and love to our family and my son. 

• You might have a 4 year old woh's at church for 7 hours, and would enjoy tagging along as a helper with a trusted leader in the toddler class for the second service of the day.
• Sometimes sneaking into the volunteer lounge with the children's pastor before the service and getting a snack, or playing a fun game while volunteers are cleaning up after the service can make it extra fun for kids who have to be at church for a long time.
• Look for ways to help them love being at church a lot, not resent it. 

3. Love on Them Outside of Church
One thing I used to love to do as a children's pastor was take our pastors' kids out for ice cream, spend time with them outside of church, and encourage them as much as possible. Many children's and youth pastors show LESS attention to pastors' kids, assuming they're getting spiritual leadership at home and don't need someone else in their lives loving on them and pointing them to Christ, but all kids need another adult (besides their parents) speaking into their lives, caring for their spiritual lives, praying for them, and encouraging them.

• Look for ways to bless your pastor's family.
• You could bring them a meal, attend their sports games or recitals, or host a special event or party just for the kids of all your church's staff.
• One church even does a special summer camp just for their staff's kids. 

4. Protect Them and Pray for Them
Be an advocate for the kids of your pastors as much as you can. Don't allow others to treat them unfairly, make judgements, criticize their parents, or try to get them involved in church drama or politics.

• As much as you can, don't place expectations for your pastors that cause them to put the church before their own families. Being a pastor is often a 24/7 job, and sometimes even on vacation, pastors are called upon to meet the needs of their congregation.
• Look for opportunities to help your pastors put their family first and have healthy balance in their ministry and home life. Give your pastors grace, and encourage plenty of time off to spend quality time with their families (and don't contact them during their time off, unless it's a true emergency!).
• If you do have a behavior issue with a pastor's kid, treat it like any other kid. Allow them to make mistakes, and show grace and forgiveness. 
• Pray for them. Pray for them to know their identity as a child of God (not a child of a pastor), and for them to feel God's love through your church. 

If you're a pastor's kid, what's one thing you enjoyed about growing up as a PK, or one negative thing you experienced? What do you wish your church had done differently?